We met her!
Our baby!
She’s shy, but happy. When we arrived at her home the kids were outside playing. I kept scanning the yard for her and couldn’t find her. There are 17 children (in a yard the same size as our back yard, cut in half – half for the front and half for the back of their yard). Panic, shame and fear was starting to set in that I couldn’t even recognize my own daughter..until I heard one of the house moms announce at the doorway that here was Zefina. Someone was blocking my view and my legs went to jelly. Anxiety ripped through my body – this was it. THE moment I have been waiting SO very long for..my heart skipped a beat as I layed eyes on her (careful not to hip-check anyone in my way). I went to her, squatted down, called her by her name and said hi. It took everything in me to not scoop her up squeeze her in my arms, tell her that her momma has been wanting to hug her for so long and to run out of there with her.
I have played in my mind thousands of times what our first meeting would be like. Possibly I had already imagined it would have been that way, but nothing could have prepared me for such a meeting. I met my other three children in a quiet, dark lit room with just a few people present. I was alone with Chris and my babies, free to tell them “your momma loves you so much, I am so excited you’re here”. Quite different today as 24 pairs of eyes watched me meet my daughter for the first time, in a front yard in Africa. And I wouldn’t change that for any hospital room!
I asked her if she wanted to go play with me inside. She shook her head yes, took my hand and walked me inside.
Our baby!
She’s shy, but happy. When we arrived at her home the kids were outside playing. I kept scanning the yard for her and couldn’t find her. There are 17 children (in a yard the same size as our back yard, cut in half – half for the front and half for the back of their yard). Panic, shame and fear was starting to set in that I couldn’t even recognize my own daughter..until I heard one of the house moms announce at the doorway that here was Zefina. Someone was blocking my view and my legs went to jelly. Anxiety ripped through my body – this was it. THE moment I have been waiting SO very long for..my heart skipped a beat as I layed eyes on her (careful not to hip-check anyone in my way). I went to her, squatted down, called her by her name and said hi. It took everything in me to not scoop her up squeeze her in my arms, tell her that her momma has been wanting to hug her for so long and to run out of there with her.
I have played in my mind thousands of times what our first meeting would be like. Possibly I had already imagined it would have been that way, but nothing could have prepared me for such a meeting. I met my other three children in a quiet, dark lit room with just a few people present. I was alone with Chris and my babies, free to tell them “your momma loves you so much, I am so excited you’re here”. Quite different today as 24 pairs of eyes watched me meet my daughter for the first time, in a front yard in Africa. And I wouldn’t change that for any hospital room!
I asked her if she wanted to go play with me inside. She shook her head yes, took my hand and walked me inside.
Be still my heart. My daughters hand was in mine. I have LONGED for this moment. We played with dolls and big legos inside then went outside and played. She’s shy and puts her head down a lot. Sitting in my lap on a chair outside, I asked her what made her laugh and smiled. I tickled her neck and got a shy smile, tickled her knee and got a laugh. I got my daughter to laugh! She went and joined Haley on the teeter-totter, she was going up and down and suddenly whipped her head towards me – looking for me, smiling and laughing – like ‘look mom!!’ my heart melted! I all of a sudden had tunnel vision and could only see my oldest daughter holding tight to her baby sister as they played. I felt like I was doing good. No tears. Holding strong. Then Chris squatted down and pulled her into his embrace..she put her arm around his neck and started gently patting his back. done. She was in the safety of her daddy. I was done.
Leaving today was hard. Not only because I was leaving my daughter, but because I was leaving all of these beautiful babies that so badly want a mommy and a daddy - I knew I would be back for her. She is mine, and I find comfort in that. But most of these others don’t have a mother that is returning for them. My heart breaks for these precious ones..
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