Filters... (from Chris)

Yesterday we got out of our comfort zone as a family…..WAY OUT of our comfort zone.  Carlee and I decided to take the kids to city of Lusaka (we’re staying about 15minutes outside of the city) to see the outdoor markets.  Individually we have both experienced the outdoor markets of Thailand.  We learned the African market is similar but even tighter in terms of space to walk and breathe and the Zambians crowd around you while you look at different stalls.

When I experienced the Thai markets, I was responsible for myself.  Yesterday I was responsible for my wife and kids and their safety…. this was weighty.  My filters were on overdrive, trying to process everything I was seeing, feeling, thinking, smelling –all the while processing safety concerns, watching people crowd around Carlee and the kids.  I did constant headcounts, prayed over their safety and more importantly their experience and thought process.  Oh and my hand was in my pocket on my knife, ready to go….. don’t think I’ve ever felt so vulnerable and not in control as I did yesterday.  The first place we walked through had stalls on both sides of the walkway – the walkway was maybe 2 feet wide with people going in both directions.  People looking at the stalls, people carrying car parts, steel bars 20ft long, people staring at my wife and whistling and the roofs of the stalls made it dark so we couldn’t see the sky.  Our driver guided us through the stalls and into a larger opening where it felt like I took my first breath and did another headcount…yep all 6 were here.  We kept going and stopped at a few stalls. 

We left and drove to another part of the market where we got out and visited open -air markets, more space but more eyes on our family.  We bought a few things and the kids each bought sun glasses and negotiated a price with the seller.   The smells at this market were the strongest –dried fish, urine, garbage….  Tires were being sold and loaded into a truck which created quite the crowd, tires are hugely expensive in Zambia and thieves will grab tires and drive off if possible so the tire vendor had hired police to escort the loading and delivery…. a few hundred people gathered around to wait and see if any thieves would try to steal some tires.   

The third market we went to was a few minutes down the road and before we could get out of the car, we had a swarm of “runners” men who would offer to go get you anything you wanted from any of the stalls or “help” you negotiate, who would then take a cut of the sale from the vendor.  This was a trip.  We were looking for baby bags – the wraps that women use around their back, side or front to carry their babies and toddlers.  We were taken to a stall that had the fabric for the bags and I felt the crowd press in a bit on us.  In an instant I realized that I needed to get Carlee and the kids in a specific space to kind of form a wall around them as Carlee was picking out the bags….that’s when without thinking, I placed my hand on a man and pulled him out of our “zone”, he looked at me and I think the look on my face helped him realize that I needed him to move, nicely.  He was one of the “runners” and he was ok with it, thankfully.  Carlee picked out the fabric for the bags and we headed back to the car.  As we were leaving we both heard multiple conversations about our family.  The one that stuck out was a conversation about Madonna…I kept hearing Madonna…. a few different emotions and thoughts when through my head.  I immediately was thinking the men were being negative about our family and adoption but was quickly proven wrong as the conversation of Madonna then went to Adoption..adoption…adoption and then I head Good, Good, Good…that’s when one of the men approached me and asked where in Zambia are we from, I told him from the States.  He then asked us if we Adopted Zefina, I said yes, we are in the process and he replied with “this is very very good, very good”.  He shook my hand and said “Gob bless you, this is good, this is Gods heart”.  Out of chaos and what I assumed was judgement (which was really my judgement) came affirmation of the journey God has our family on.

Funny part is this is exactly what we wanted our kids to experience and I believe it’s exactly what God wanted me to experience from a father’s perspective. 

 I watched each of the kids respond differently yesterday to their experience and feelings.  Zefina was wide-eyed and had a tight grip around her momma’s neck and she resumed that position for the 2 hours in the market which was great attachment time.  Carter was holding my hand (the one not holding onto my knife) and he never let go while we were in the markets and I had to tell him a few times that he had to let go of my hand to get back in the car.  Tanner kept doing check ins and when he would get uncomfortable or didn’t feel safe I would feel him lean into me to feel safety.  And Haley took strides in independence when it was convenient for her but she checked in as well and would grab onto my arm or Carlee’s arm when she felt vulnerable. 

Carlee and I had a great conversation  with the kids during dinner last night about our experience.  The kids had tons of questions and did a great job expressing what they experienced.  Carlee and I were able to have a great conversation as well.  I think it’s safe to say our “filters” were adjusted yesterday.  This is good.