new {normal}

Zambia, Africa
September 4th 2011

We're HOME!!!
After 7 weeks in Africa..we're home and with our new DAUGHTER!!

At times, it seemed like we would never be able to leave.. Painstakingly at the mercy of a very slow country.. Extreme emotional highs colliding with extreme lows.. But I would do it again in a heartbeat.. Every bit of it - I would go through it all..

It's been 1 week since we arrived in Seattle, and it still seems surreal..
I longed for the day that when I looked into my rearview mirror, I'd see my little girl sitting in her carseat.. It's a good thing I was still parked in my driveway as I sat there bawling with my baby in the back seat for the first time!
Happy tears..
She now looks at me, with a question in her voice "happy tears?"
Yes baby, these are happy tears.

So many tell us - she is so lucky.  I actually think we are the lucky ones!  Blessed beyond belief!  I can hardly describe the absolute pure joy it has been for us to witness this amazing transformation of our daughter as she learns how to be a child!  How to giggle and dance.  How to be a sister and a daughter.  How to hug and be held.  How to hold her head high and speak clearly.  How to be silly and cry when she is hurt.. And we're just two months into this forever relationship!
How we are SO blessed!

We have marveled at the amazing beauty that God doesn't make mistakes.. He created her especially for us.  She is a true Avery - in every way!

Zefina means God has hidden.
We believe wholeheartedly that He had her safely hidden, waiting for that day when she joined our family forever and became an Avery.  What a sweet day indeed!

We could not be more thrilled with how amazing Zefina is transitioning into our family and into her new home.  But I have found re-entry a bit overwhelming.  My mind feels exhausted.  A reel seems to be constantly running through my head - the sights, sounds, smells.. the feeling of people as they press around you.  The daily plead of total strangers that we please adopt their children too.. their nieces and nephews of their deceased siblings.. Or that we take them - so we can have a nanny.. Our own lawyer, as he sat in our cottage with his beautiful little 3 year old - asked us to adopt her as well..
Trying to process 7 weeks of this and so many more emotions.. and trying to process it through with our kids.. its a lot.  And sometimes I just want to turn off the reel, turn off the processing for just a few minutes.. To relish in this moment we are in with our new family, right now.  To bathe in this new little life God has given us.
We know that everyone is SO excited for us and is anxious to meet our precious little Z, we can't wait for you to get to know her and her fun little personality.  We want to express our deep gratitude for every single prayer, all your love and amazing support - we still do covet your prayers and support!  Your support got us to Zambia, and helped us through during our time there.  We are forever grateful! 
And now that we have entered into the beginning our new "normal" we've realized we need to hunker down and slowly (as much as that's possible with 4 kids!) ease into this different pace of life.  Please know that if you don't hear from us or see us, its not you - its us :)  We just need some time is all.  We do love you all!

Before I close this post, I want to bring your attention to Wait No More a Wa. State Adoption Conference held at Overlake Christian Church on September 24th from 1-5.
In Wa. there are over 1,000 kids sitting in foster care right now, waiting to be adopted..
Focus on the Family is sponsoring this event to advocate for these legally free kids in the Foster Care system, waiting to be adopted.  Come learn and meet with agencies who will be there to support you in information etc....
Will you go?  Will you learn about the awesome ways adoption can grow and complete your family?! You don't even have to go all the way to Africa! :) just Redmond!
We thought we had an idea of how blessed we would be when we adopted Zefina..but WOW!  We have completely been blown away!!
Please, sign up here and go, and let a child change YOUR life.. Adoption Rocks! :)    {trust us!!}

So close..!

Today was an incredible day..! We have Zefina's birth certificate (that we got yesterday), Her passport (that we weren't suppose to get until this evening), Had her consult with the Visa Dr. AND the actual Dr. appointment (we we're going to have to wait until tomorrow afternoon to see the Dr!) And we were able to move up our Visa interview to tomorrow morning at 9:45! (had apt for thurs @ 2)  Woooo Hoooo!!!
This is CRAZY huge!! This means there is a huge possibility that we will be getting on a flight to come home on Monday morning!! Monday! That's in less than a week!!

I have to say this all now feels very bitter-sweet..all of a sudden I have an urgency to visit the places we've been wanting to see - villages, people, homes..It makes me crazy excited to begin our new normal at home, but SO so sad to leave our new friend Sophie and her new baby girl Natasha - that is also from Z's home. I am without a doubt certain that God has kept us here so we can be apart of each others lives. And this, I am more than ok with! :) Sophie is a single, young missionary from Michigan who is in the process of adopting little 2 year old Natasha from the Bryant home.. What an incredibly beautiful display of Gods love she is! We we're originally suppose to leave for home last Thursday - God had different plans! Instead, that afternoon we got the wonderful honor to be her 'family' and be with her as she welcomed Natasha home for the first time. What a beautiful blessing this new relationship has been to all of us! It puts a lump in my throat thinking about leaving Natasha and Auntie Sophie {as the kids call her!} we rely and depend on each other for support and encouragement - but it brings SUCH joy knowing that Zefina and Natasha will be raised knowing, seeing and being a part of each others lives forever. I pray there will be more kids to join this 'family', but for now take comfort in having Sophie and Natasha as apart of ours..

It's OFFICIAL!!

We are PROUD to announce the newest member of the Avery family!
Zefina Yuyu Avery!!

Gotcha Day August 26th, 2011

God is SO good - our adoption decree has been SIGNED!! Never has the pounding of a stamp sounded so sweet! 

We are the PROUD new parents of 4 kids!!

The race is now on..! We just received word that Zefina's birth certificate would be available today!! (we were told Monday at the earliest) So Chris just left to go downtown to get the birth cert then will race over to the passport office to submit her application before they close at 5pm. We were told 2-5 days with the passport - who are we kidding - we're praying for 1 day :) We have an apt. with the US Embassy on Thursday at 2 (providing we have the birth cert and her passport). She (embassy lady) has warned us that adoption investigations can sometimes take more than a day, and they are open 1/2 days on fridays.. {you still following??} We have tickets on hold for us for the next Monday morning (Sept. 5th) Lord willing the 6 of us will be on that flight ALL together!
We were suppose to be heading home today..God's plan is much bigger than ours - this is so clear!

Helicopter ride over Victoria Falls

::Hippos::

::Elephants::

Progress from Zambia

First Family Photo!!

Our 2 African Princesses!!

We need prayer for these things - 
1. The effective date granted (soon)
2. Court papers filed
3. Case to be heard quickly
(realistically the first 2 can be done by the end of the week, 3rd can be done by early next week)
4. Adoption decree granted (done at court hearing)
5. Birth Cert. (should take 1-2 days after adoption decree)
6. Passport rushed (2-3 days)
7. Visa (1 day)
8. 6 Avery's board a plane on the 24th of Aug..!! :)
Our return flights are currently scheduled for Aug 24th to come home to Seattle, we can change them if things aren't finished here but its pricey (it was much cheaper still to book round trip than one-way's)

You may be wondering why things seem to be in "limbo" so much - like why we waited 13 days for a police report (before anything else could proceed) - we knew this was the way it was going to be, this is a part of the process.  Zambia doesn't allow a single paper to be written for an adoption until you set foot in Zambia (which means all the waiting we did in the US was ON the US). We knew the process was going to take a long time - and we knew we'd be doing it all on our own without the help of an agency. BUT we also know God has completely gone before us and has paved the way for us - it has been so very clear to us over and over! We know he's not going to leave us now and won't abandon us here in Africa - penniless and without our daughter! We've chosen to embrace this time here as a family - to get to know our new daughter, to love on her and her country. To learn about ourselves - and to open our hearts to the life lessons and knowledge that we will take away from this incredible journey. (And the small fact that we can't control the speed in which things are done in :)

We really REALLY do covet each of your prayers!
So far 'home life' is going really well and Zefina seems to be settling in and relaxing as a new Avery - she's silly and dances and plays around - clearly is getting more and more comfortable with us and is trusting us more and more each day. She's eating great, kicks Haley in her sleep sometimes - but other than that is sleeping fairly well, not crying out or having nightmares.
We TRULY believe all the prayers are being answered and know that God has not left us - but has continued to go before us and prepare the way for us. We feel so very blessed to have so much support!!

Today was Zefina's 4th Birthday - so we celebrated with a trip to the Zoo (which is more like a zoo/animal rehabilitation place). It was a LITTLE bit different from the zoo's we grew up going to!! I personally think there should be more between you and a lion than just a chain-link fence...but that's just my opinion! 

Filters... (from Chris)

Yesterday we got out of our comfort zone as a family…..WAY OUT of our comfort zone.  Carlee and I decided to take the kids to city of Lusaka (we’re staying about 15minutes outside of the city) to see the outdoor markets.  Individually we have both experienced the outdoor markets of Thailand.  We learned the African market is similar but even tighter in terms of space to walk and breathe and the Zambians crowd around you while you look at different stalls.

When I experienced the Thai markets, I was responsible for myself.  Yesterday I was responsible for my wife and kids and their safety…. this was weighty.  My filters were on overdrive, trying to process everything I was seeing, feeling, thinking, smelling –all the while processing safety concerns, watching people crowd around Carlee and the kids.  I did constant headcounts, prayed over their safety and more importantly their experience and thought process.  Oh and my hand was in my pocket on my knife, ready to go….. don’t think I’ve ever felt so vulnerable and not in control as I did yesterday.  The first place we walked through had stalls on both sides of the walkway – the walkway was maybe 2 feet wide with people going in both directions.  People looking at the stalls, people carrying car parts, steel bars 20ft long, people staring at my wife and whistling and the roofs of the stalls made it dark so we couldn’t see the sky.  Our driver guided us through the stalls and into a larger opening where it felt like I took my first breath and did another headcount…yep all 6 were here.  We kept going and stopped at a few stalls. 

We left and drove to another part of the market where we got out and visited open -air markets, more space but more eyes on our family.  We bought a few things and the kids each bought sun glasses and negotiated a price with the seller.   The smells at this market were the strongest –dried fish, urine, garbage….  Tires were being sold and loaded into a truck which created quite the crowd, tires are hugely expensive in Zambia and thieves will grab tires and drive off if possible so the tire vendor had hired police to escort the loading and delivery…. a few hundred people gathered around to wait and see if any thieves would try to steal some tires.   

The third market we went to was a few minutes down the road and before we could get out of the car, we had a swarm of “runners” men who would offer to go get you anything you wanted from any of the stalls or “help” you negotiate, who would then take a cut of the sale from the vendor.  This was a trip.  We were looking for baby bags – the wraps that women use around their back, side or front to carry their babies and toddlers.  We were taken to a stall that had the fabric for the bags and I felt the crowd press in a bit on us.  In an instant I realized that I needed to get Carlee and the kids in a specific space to kind of form a wall around them as Carlee was picking out the bags….that’s when without thinking, I placed my hand on a man and pulled him out of our “zone”, he looked at me and I think the look on my face helped him realize that I needed him to move, nicely.  He was one of the “runners” and he was ok with it, thankfully.  Carlee picked out the fabric for the bags and we headed back to the car.  As we were leaving we both heard multiple conversations about our family.  The one that stuck out was a conversation about Madonna…I kept hearing Madonna…. a few different emotions and thoughts when through my head.  I immediately was thinking the men were being negative about our family and adoption but was quickly proven wrong as the conversation of Madonna then went to Adoption..adoption…adoption and then I head Good, Good, Good…that’s when one of the men approached me and asked where in Zambia are we from, I told him from the States.  He then asked us if we Adopted Zefina, I said yes, we are in the process and he replied with “this is very very good, very good”.  He shook my hand and said “Gob bless you, this is good, this is Gods heart”.  Out of chaos and what I assumed was judgement (which was really my judgement) came affirmation of the journey God has our family on.

Funny part is this is exactly what we wanted our kids to experience and I believe it’s exactly what God wanted me to experience from a father’s perspective. 

 I watched each of the kids respond differently yesterday to their experience and feelings.  Zefina was wide-eyed and had a tight grip around her momma’s neck and she resumed that position for the 2 hours in the market which was great attachment time.  Carter was holding my hand (the one not holding onto my knife) and he never let go while we were in the markets and I had to tell him a few times that he had to let go of my hand to get back in the car.  Tanner kept doing check ins and when he would get uncomfortable or didn’t feel safe I would feel him lean into me to feel safety.  And Haley took strides in independence when it was convenient for her but she checked in as well and would grab onto my arm or Carlee’s arm when she felt vulnerable. 

Carlee and I had a great conversation  with the kids during dinner last night about our experience.  The kids had tons of questions and did a great job expressing what they experienced.  Carlee and I were able to have a great conversation as well.  I think it’s safe to say our “filters” were adjusted yesterday.  This is good.

Z's home {away} from {home}

 

 

{life} as we know it

 Disclosure: I'm fairly certain ALL of these were taken by a child.

Not a single {cloud} ..imagine that

Today when we were walking around the grounds of where our cottage is, Haley said its like being in Palm Springs {cause she’s been there before?}. We met a 12inch long lizard Chris has named Burt. He watches over our laundry as it dries outside. All the other little lizards we see are Burt’s little sisters and brothers. Every Zambian we meet {we’re in Zambia, so that’s everyone} thinks were crazy for being in shorts and tank tops – they’re in scarf’s and pants! What they don’t understand is that we live in the Northwest and DO NOT see the sun and that this insanely pleasant *80 is divine! Oh – and for those of you that know my angst with the no sunshine/light at my home in Kirkland – you will be very happy to know that God has blessed me with Cottage #3 – where the sun rises from a cloudless blue sky STRAIGHT into my huge slider window!! Bliss I tell you!! Aaah yes, and there is a lemon and lime tree growing right out in the yard too. 

Bliss.

We brought sidewalk calk today to Zefina’s home. The kids loved it!! It was so fun to be able to watch them play and enjoy it! We asked the house moms what some of the needs are within the house. A dryer is a big need – I feel like I have a hard enough time keeping up with the laundry for just the 5 of us – I cant imagine for 25+!! They also need a microwave, new pots (they don’t work very well when they have holes in the bottom and no handles) and new toys – that has been very evident. We hope to go to the store tomorrow to meet some of these needs. One of the house moms brother is a taxi driver, he took us home tonight and we hope to use him the entire time were here. 

Tonight was ROUGH leaving my girl. She was clearly sad that we were going. It broke my heart!! I couldn’t bear to let her see I was sad and had to leave the gate before the tears freely flowed down my face.

This part isn’t fun.

someone {pinch} me!

I must say – I do believe I’m still in shock that I’m in Africa. With my family. And I have met my daughter.

We walked to the market today – As I watched my family walk single filed on the side of the busy road in the red dusty dirt, dodging broken beer bottles – I realized those stinkin’ Keens were worth every cent! :) Crossing the two 2-way roads to the market are like playing the ultimate game of frogger x5! We were invited to church while we ate lunch at the market. Looking forward to that. The kids were invited to VBS.

We visited Z again today. Thus far we were told that she wouldn’t know about us or who we were (why we were there), and that we would take a few days to get to know her – but that they would not be telling her that we were her new parents. When we arrived today the kids ran around to the front, Chris and I chatted with Mishak the security guard/hair cutter/uncle – as we made our way through the back Z came and found us and a house mom instructed her to say hi to her mom…I think my heart stopped. I cannot believe this!!

a {new} beginning

We met her!
Our baby!
She’s shy, but happy. When we arrived at her home the kids were outside playing. I kept scanning the yard for her and couldn’t find her. There are 17 children (in a yard the same size as our back yard, cut in half – half for the front and half for the back of their yard). Panic, shame and fear was starting to set in that I couldn’t even recognize my own daughter..until I heard one of the house moms announce at the doorway that here was Zefina. Someone was blocking my view and my legs went to jelly. Anxiety ripped through my body – this was it. THE moment I have been waiting SO very long for..my heart skipped a beat as I layed eyes on her (careful not to hip-check anyone in my way). I went to her, squatted down, called her by her name and said hi. It took everything in me to not scoop her up squeeze her in my arms, tell her that her momma has been wanting to hug her for so long and to run out of there with her.
I have played in my mind thousands of times what our first meeting would be like. Possibly I had already imagined it would have been that way, but nothing could have prepared me for such a meeting. I met my other three children in a quiet, dark lit room with just a few people present. I was alone with Chris and my babies, free to tell them “your momma loves you so much, I am so excited you’re here”. Quite different today as 24 pairs of eyes watched me meet my daughter for the first time, in a front yard in Africa. And I wouldn’t change that for any hospital room! 
I asked her if she wanted to go play with me inside. She shook her head yes, took my hand and walked me inside.

Be still my heart. My daughters hand was in mine. I have LONGED for this moment.  We played with dolls and big legos inside then went outside and played. She’s shy and puts her head down a lot. Sitting in my lap on a chair outside, I asked her what made her laugh and smiled. I tickled her neck and got a shy smile, tickled her knee and got a laugh. I got my daughter to laugh!  She went and joined Haley on the teeter-totter, she was going up and down and suddenly whipped her head towards me – looking for me, smiling and laughing – like ‘look mom!!’ my heart melted! I all of a sudden had tunnel vision and could only see my oldest daughter holding tight to her baby sister as they played. I felt like I was doing good. No tears. Holding strong. Then Chris squatted down and pulled her into his embrace..she put her arm around his neck and started gently patting his back. done. She was in the safety of her daddy. I was done.

Leaving today was hard. Not only because I was leaving my daughter, but because I was leaving all of these beautiful babies that so badly want a mommy and a daddy  - I knew I would be back for her. She is mine, and I find comfort in that. But most of these others don’t have a mother that is returning for them. My heart breaks for these precious ones..

{journey} to our daughter

Good Morning from Africa!!
We are currently flying right over Lusaka and the sun is rising. Incredible. Absolutely incredible! I am already in awe of this beautiful country and my feet haven’t even touched the ground. What a gift to wake up to, on the morning I meet my daughter for the first time! Worship music in my ears, soaking in the sun on my face from this stunning cloudless African sky.

Today will be a great day.

A GREAT day!

I am renewed with fresh sleep and sheer excitement! We are tired and exhausted from three days of travel but are SO excited! We left Seattle on Wednesday evening and arrived in London yesterday (Thursday).  Our journey got off to a rough start with my body getting hit with a terrible body flu right when we arrived at the airport in Seattle. We thought it was a panic attack because of how I couldn’t take deep breaths. My chest muscles hurt so incredibly bad. I’m still not able to yawn, cough, sneeze, clear my throat – burping even hurts. We finally got some medicine the last hour of the 10hr flight to London because the pain was so unbearable. We found some theraflu type stuff in London, its taking the edge off so I’m now able to sleep and be comfortable. Praying no one else gets this and it passes quickly. We had a 9 hour layover in London so we took the train into the city, got some food and quickly encountered a monsoon! The kind where a couple of inches of rain is rushing down the road! Haley got sprayed by a passing car! Tanner: “I thought that only happened in the movies!”. Apparently the movies that are filmed in London! :)  We made it back to the airport to stretch out and relax before our next 11 hour flight.

We’re all now starting to wake up on the flight – good nights sleep! Thankful for airplane sleep..can’t wait to stretch our legs in a bed tonight!

Newest member of the Avery 6